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Still, in the very fact that people will recognise me wherever I go, and know all about my life, as far as its follies go, I can discern something good for me[80a]. It will force on me the necessity of again asserting myself as an artist, and as soon as I possibly can. If I can produce even one more beautiful work of art I shall be able to rob malice of its venom, and cowardice of its sneer, and to pluck out the tongue of scorn by the roots[80b]. And if life be, as it surely is, a problem to me, I am no less a problem to Life. People must adopt some attitude towards me, and so pass judgment both on themselves and me. I need not say I am not talking of particular individuals. The only people I would care to be with now are artists and people who have suffered: those who know what Beauty is, and those who know what Sorrow is: nobody else interests me. Nor am I making my demands on Life. In all that I have said I am simply concerned with my own mental attitude towards life as a whole: and I feel that not to be ashamed of having been punished is one of the first points I must attain to, for the sake of my own perfection, and because I am so imperfect.就我的名字传播所及,到哪儿人们都认得出我来,就我干的蠢事传扬所及,谁都对我的生平了如指掌。 但即使这样,我仍然能从中看到对我好的一面[80a]。这将迫使我需要再次彰显我的艺术家身份,而且是越快越好。只消再出哪怕是一部好作品,我就能挡掉恶意攻击者的明枪,胆小鬼嘲讽的暗箭,把侮蔑的舌头连根拔掉[80b]。如果生活还要令我为难,目前肯定是这样,那我同样要叫生活为难。人们必须对我采取某种态度,因此既对他们自己也对我作出判断。不用说我指的不是特定的个人。我有心与之相处的人现在只有艺术家以及受过苦的人:那些知道美是什么的人,那些知道悲怆是什么的人。其他人我一概不感兴趣。我也不会对生活提出任何要求。说的这一切,谈的无非是关于自己对整个生活的心理态度;而我觉得,不因为受过惩罚而羞愧,是必须首先达到的境界之一,为了我自己能臻于完美,也因为我是如此的不完美。 

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